Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Catch up

Well, once again... I'm a terrible blogger. Lots has happened. Laney was born March 8th. Daddy went to heaven April 10th. Some of the best and worst days of my life. It was a lot to handle when Laney was only one month and 2 days old. God definitely gave me strength to get through the freshest days and nights of despair. God has somewhat glued me back together... but the scar will never be completely mended. It's like he used playdoh or paper mâché that keeps coming undone and only sticks for a little while before I fall completely to bits again.

Now it's July. My thoughts are still consumed of my Daddy. I constantly relive good moments in my mind that ultimately make me feel the immeasurable hole in my stomach, making me feel nauseous and crushed. Unfortunately every Saturday afternoon is not the same anymore.... that's the day of the week it happened. Pretty much every day is not the same... and it never will be. Grief is abhorrent and I hate it.

Now, on to Laney. She is beautiful. She is such a pleasant baby and I believe God gave her to us because he knew of His plan for my father. God knew the perfect timing for Daddy to become a grandpa... and of the incredible hope that Laney gives us during this time of agony. She is what keeps me going and I love her for more reasons than she will ever understand because of it.

Laney has the cutest most adorable voice and is really experimenting with making sounds. I love it. I look forward to her many "firsts". She has already rolled over from front to back and should be rolling the other way soon. She squeals with joy sometimes in a "laughing manor." My heart is warm because of her existence.

It's summertime. Since this summer is my first as a mommy, I don't sleep as late.... and I don't get to do whatever I want at the drop of a hat. That's ok. I have my Laneybug to make up for it. I went back to work for two weeks while my mom stayed with Laney. It was fun. Now I feel like I'm on maternity leave again. I really look forward to the weekends and nights when Jess is home with us. It's nice to have a partner in changing diapers and revolving around our little one.

I'm one lucky lady.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Rest of Christmas Break...

Here's what we've done in a gist... I think it is probably kind of boring to read, but I have nothing else to do at the moment:

On my birthday (the 23rd) a tornado came to Longview but we were fine on the North side of town... just lots and lots of rain and ickyness. Christmas Eve we went to grandmother's for breakfast... then church at night. There was a toddler crying the whole time and Liz and I were annoyed that the mother would not bring her out. If Laney does that, she will be scooted out of there. :) Christmas morning we got our stockings (Jess and I don't get Santa anymore, but we do get a stocking with little things) then later we had chicken spaghetti for lunch. Then we opened presents later in the day. We got a video camera so we can video our little girl. Yipee! We got other stuff too but I won't bore you with that. [In the middle of all this we did 3 puzzles.]

The day after Christmas I don't remember what we did... oops. Oh wait, I think we went to eat with the Mackey side of the family at Papacita's at night. We used to have "Mackey Christmas" every year when I was little (and before I was born) and I remember playing Murder in the Dark with cousins.

On the 27th we headed back to Frisco and Johnna, Ryan and Hayden stopped by on their way from Coleman to Longview so we got to visit with them for a little while. :) Hayden always impresses me with all the signs he knows! I wish I knew ASL.

So Monday the 28th I sat around in my PJs and did laundry and stuff all day... it is still not finished. The 29th I had a doctor's appointment in the a.m. and then went to school for a moment to make sure I'm ready to go on Monday. I did not stay long because it was freezing. Then I went and got my hair done with Michaela that afternoon when it began to precipitate a wintry mix of snow/rain. LOVELY. It did turn to snow by the time I got home and it was pretty while it lasted. The following morning on the 30th Jess and I probably slept a little later since he took the day off. We went to get a 4D sonogram and Laney was curled up in a ball so we couldn't see her as well as we'd liked but the sweet sonographer said that if she moves before 35 weeks we can come back for more pictures- hooray! That night Ann & Ryan flew in even though we did not get home until like 1 a.m. with their delay. Then Thursday we came back to Longview and we went to Carlito's- yum! We are still here now and are heading back to reality later today. We will have only spent like 4 days in Frisco my entire 2 weeks off! It's been good to see family though but it is always weird after Christmas when you're used to seeing them all the time and then you don't anymore.... It kind of freaks me out that I won't see Ann again until after I have a baby! Oh my goodness- how will that go???? Last night that made me nervous that I might die in childbirth and never see her again but then I thought about how I know no one who has died in childbirth. Whew- hopefully I'll be ok. :) I forgot to mention that yesterday we went up to church to hear Mama's "Organ Concert." She has been taking organ lessons for a few months so we all went to listen to her. Then Jess, Ryan, Ann, and Elizabeth shot some hoops in the gym while I watched. We are just such an athletic family- sike. I did take some action shots I'll probably put on facebook at some point.

I am excited about seeing my students again and my coworkers although not so excited about waking up early again on Monday. If only I could drink a gallon of coffee- but alas, I am pregnant and that would not be so smart.